Banita couldn’t sleep the entire night and kept taking turns in her bed. While she knew any sudden movement on her part was going to aggravate further the cracking sound that came from the wooden plank which held the bed tight, she couldn’t help herself. Despite being cautious, her left foot was touching Debu Bapa’s leg, and in haste, all she could utter was “Bishnu, Bishnu,” something people of her religion do when they accidentally touch someone by their leg. “Touching by feet is considered an insult of God living in the person” her Grandmother had given this piece of wisdom to Banita when she was a kid. Though sometimes in her fantasy, she wondered about God’s existence, she still didn’t dare to refute the age-old saying.
Debu Bapa was a wage laborer, and after a tiring day at work, he was in deep slumber. Due to the pandemic, he was out of work, and in those turbulent times, Banita had to work hard to make both ends meet. In her late fifties, Banita had her health issues, but that didn’t deter her spirit as she knew if she didn’t report to work for a day, then her Madam would be cutting down her pay, which could affect her badly. Today when she came home, Debu Bapa groped her from back and planted a kiss on her forehead. Banita wasn’t prepared for the same, and a chill ran down her spine. What she used to enjoy in her hay days has only remained a sweet memory in her mind. It was difficult for the family of seven to sleep peacefully leave aside having sex in that ten by ten room. It has been years since Debu Bapa caressed her in this manner. Debu Bapa was five years older than Banita, a thing she remembers her Mother telling her when she was married off at the age of sixteen. Post that day; she never mustered the courage to ask her husband his age. She had vague memories of her marriage and only remembered that this sudden chaos had engulfed the entire country during that time. She faintly remembered someone telling her, “Emergency is in effect.” She had heard her parents whisper about some compulsory operation. Despite having four kids, they still had the urge to have one addition, but it seemed that it was impossible owing to the mass sterilization campaign as per Government guidelines. Banita remembered her Bapa being in terrible pain post that surgery, which fumed her anger to a great extent. Amid all this, Banita was married off to Debu Bapa in a small traditional ceremony.
It has been more than forty years to that particular moment of her life, and today after giving birth to five kids, she still smiles whenever she remembers her first wedding night. It has been ages since Banita has been touched in a similar manner by Debu Bapa. Mostly when his rustic hands went inside her blouse to squeeze the piece of pleasure, Banita could only moan with her mouth wide open. She had never seen Debu Bapa so happy in the last several years.
“Bani, Finally! We will get our home. The Corporator called us to his office today, and it seems our house is ready.” Debu Bapa’s hands were still inside Banita’s blouse, and he dragged her close to his chest.
“Ohh my God !” Tons of feelings were making waves in Banita’s mind, and those three words were the only ones she could think of. She was highly overwhelmed hearing the news, and on top of that, her body was not allowing her to surrender to Debu Bapa’s lustful moves.
“Please, leave me! Debu and Dilu might be coming,” Banita said, slightly shying away.
“Don’t worry; I have locked the door from inside. So no one is going to come” It was as if sixty-plus Debu Bapa had made up his mind for that ultimate act of sex. Banita was starting to give up when suddenly there was this knock at the door. Banita ran at her highest speed, leaving Debu Bapa to answer the door. It was Debu, Banita’s son, whom she loved from the bottom of her heart. Banita adored Debu and felt he would be the captain of her sinking ship. Debu was Banita’s fourth child as he had three sisters elder to him. The elder two hardly showed any interest in education and were middle school dropouts. Banita and Debu Bapa had somehow got them married, but both of them had their issues. Banita’s eldest son-in-law was a drunkard, and the second one was unemployed. Despite knowing about their vices Banita and Debu Bapa had always treated them well. They knew that their daughters would be all alone in this whole wide world without their respective better halves and hence convinced them to continue with their marriage with all heart. However, the third one, Rina, was a rebel child. Rina and Debu shared an excellent bond, and Debu was all ears to Rina’s problems. Rina, a bright student, wanted to study but couldn’t pursue her education as Banita and Debu Bapa decided to marry her. Moreover, Banita wanted her sons to do college as she felt her future nestled in their hands. However, she was opposed to the idea of Rina’s college education and dissuaded her whenever she raised the issue.
“What’s the point in studying further? Just get married like your sisters!” She said in a quirky voice, and that curtailed that girl’s dream.
Today when Debu Bapa broke this happy news, Banita couldn’t stop herself from thinking about this. Finally, she has got what she has yearned for all these years. When Banita was married off to Debu Bapa at a tender age, she made solace with what she had. A small thatched roof above her head was still giving her the required warmth. But gradually, with the increase in family size, her needs too started changing. She was no more satisfied with what Debu Bapa got as a daily wage worker. With a family of seven to support, it gradually became imperative on her part to search for a job. Within no time, she landed a job as a maid at Mrs. Swain’s place. Mrs. Swain, a lady in her late sixties, had lost her husband, and her two sons were living abroad. She had arthritis and that impaired her movement to a certain extent.
Banita came in as a savior to Mrs. Swain, as she would do household chores, cook food, and look after the big Swain garden. The vibrant space was full of green plants, and hence Mrs. Swain would call it by that name. Even trees like Mango and Banana had a spot there. Banita took care of the garden with her whole heart, which put her in Mrs. Swain’s good books. The money she made was spent in providing for the education of Debu and Dilu. For long, she had dreamt of having a house of her own. It was her only dream which she had been looking forward to. Theirs was a rental home that commanded a rent of Rupees thousand per month. When Banita had shifted to Bhubaneswar, her elder daughter was five years old. During those days, the rental for this home was a meager twenty rupees which was still a significant amount for Debu Bapa. Gradually Banita’s family size kept increasing, and so also the rent went up. For Debu Bapa, it was challenging to find a similar room in the same neighborhood. Though Banita insisted on shifting to a new place, Debu Bapa was opposed to it as he felt that the house was well located with convenience to major business districts. So also bus stop was nearby, which made his monthly trip to his ancestral place quite a cakewalk. Though initially, Banita resented, later she too made adjustments, thereby harboring the wish of shifting to her own new home someday. As they say,” Poverty brings the worst in you.” The same happened with Banita. A mother of five in no time had turned into a mother of two who hardly cared about her three beloved girls. She went by her Mother’s words.
“Girls will be married off one day, so there’s no point spending money on them.”
Her main aim was to make her sons able such that they could build her a house and take care of their parents when they grow old. As luck would have it, the local Government zeroed down on this scheme to provide free housing to those who earned a marginal income, and Debu Bapa fell under this category. The family’s happiness knew no bounds when they heard about the same. Finally, they saw their dream come true. It was five years back that Banita and Debu Bapa had registered for this free home. That time, one person was on cloud nine, and she was Rina.
“Now that you will be getting your home, please allow me to chase my dream too. I want to study Bou,” Rina said time and again.
Rina’s cry fell on deaf ears as Banita knew what she wanted. The Mother in her was in no mood to surrender. On the contrary, she scolded her at the top of her voice. Sometimes Rina fought back for her rights, and at times she just sneaked outside and was back after an hour; maybe that was an attempt to hide her emotions from her beloved brother Debu. Though Banita knew she was wrong at some corner of her heart, she never allowed the brewing concern to take over her dream. Today when she is so close to getting her dream home, the dark night of January 18th, 2018, still haunts her to the core.
“Bani, Rina hasn’t made it to home yet” Banita was at Mrs. Swain’s place, and Debu Bapa called her to inform about the same.
Mrs. Swain had guests in her house, and Banita was busy preparing the evening dinner.
“What do I do of this girl? She has her own tantrums. Why doesn’t she understand our concern? Whenever we talk about marriage, she simply walks away. She is twenty-two years old already…………….” There was a sudden burst of emotions on Banita’s part as she answered Debu Bapa’s call.
“I understand, but where could she be at this hour? I have already asked Debu to look out for her.” Debu Bapa sounded tense.
Banita looked at the big digital clock hung opposite to the dining area at Mrs. Swain’s place, and her eyes twinkled with disbelief.
“Never she had been out for such a long time! My heart is beating fast. Would you please search for her? I will be reaching home in ten minutes” Banita’s hands were cold, and a chill ran down her spine.
Putting the mobile in her blouse, she ran at lightning speed. By the time she was home, a crowd had gathered at her place. Some of her friends had their mouths covered with the loose end of their saree, and the rest of the tribe were seen whispering and murmuring. Her thumping heart wasn’t allowing her to move a step ahead, but she did and what she saw blew her mind. Rina was lying on the ground. A girl who always bothered her with her words was silent like a sea. Her face was pale, and her eyes closed. Her discolored lips were prominent, and her frizzy hair looked dusty. Her hands and legs were still. As Banita’s eyes caught the jute rope tied across Rina’s neck, she could hardly hold her tears. She howled and cried like never before. It took Banita no time to understand that her daughter had committed the gravest crime that she could ever think of.Rina had committed suicide by hanging herself, and that shook Banita from within. She was fed up with her daughter’s demands but had never wished this to happen. Like Mina and Manju, Banita too had dreamt of her youngest one’s marriage. She had saved money and had made her some essential jewelry. She, in her darest dreams, had never envisaged a situation like this. Somewhere she knew, she was the brightest of her all five kids. Maybe that was the reason she was so restless. Rina had her dreams, but Banita never prioritized them over hers. She knew that if she could have allowed Rina to pursue her dreams, this situation wouldn’t have arisen. Knowingly or unknowingly, she was the sole one responsible for this misery.
Today she has her home, she has two married daughters and two able sons, but she has lost a gem who was born to shine bright. These thoughts kept troubling Banita to the core. Banita got up from the bed, her eyes were red with pain, and her heart was beating fast. Cautiously, she went to look for the steel trunk that was under Debu’s bed. Slowly she dragged it to the front. As she opened it, suddenly there was this clangor but luckily it wasn’t loud enough. Banita looked up to ensure that Debu Bapa and her two sons were asleep. Then slowly and steadily, she looked inside the trunk. An old laminated picture of Rina, which she takes out only on her death anniversary, popped up first. Some Junk jewelry that Rina was fond of lay still in that old trunk. The Pink and blue polka dot dress which was Rina’s favorite, brought back all the old memories. As Banita looked further, there were these dull pieces of paper, which Rina had won in her school competitions. Though Banita could hardly understand the content, she still knew these were testimony to her daughter’s talent. Banita covered her mouth with the loose end of her saree as tears started to roll down her eyes. Shutting the door from outside, she ran at her highest speed.
“Rina committed suicide only because of me. If at all I could have understood her desires, my daughter would have been alive today. God! What do I do ? It might be suicide to the onlookers, but I know it’s a murder, and I am the one responsible for this horrible crime. I am a Murderer…………………… I am a Murderer…………….” Banita kept blabbering at the top of her voice.
Suddenly, two arms held her from back, and it was none other than Debu Bapa.
“Bani, Since Rina’s demise every alternate day, you are up to this. Please understand ! we can hardly do anything about it. Even the doctor has given you one month’s time. We can’t risk your life. The other day, at the wee hours of the night, you were almost on the national highway. I understand your state of mind, but if this continues, you will be taken to the mental hospital. I don’t have enough money to pay for your medical bills. Please cooperate…………..”
As teary-eyed Banita looked into Debu Bapa’s eyes, he dragged her close to his chest and gave her a tight hug……………….
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